Matt and I have had heavy hearts all week as the full weight of this news has sunk in. Thinking about those little girls, it's difficult not to look at our own precious babies as we ponder our future in Indonesia. We have always known the risks, but it's easy to think that it won't happen to us. Fear is such a poison, waiting to creep in and immobilize it's victims. Yet in 2 Timothy it says "For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and of a sound mind (1:7). I think back to when I struggled with my call to the mission field and all of the horrible things that could happen to me or, mostly, to my family. I think of the questions He has asked me over the years as I struggled with my own fear....am I not worth it? Did I not give my life for you? Do you trust me.....trust that I see the big picture and that I cause all things to work together for good? Will you follow me no matter the cost, even if it is great in order to bring others into salvation? Wrestling with these questions brought me to a place of peace and surrender. Yes, Lord, you are worth it.
Oddly enough, I (Jay) have been pondering the concept of death since arriving at Chitokoloki. Living next door to a bush hospital, we hear quite clearly the wails of mourning with each death. And these occur frequently, being about every other day. In addition, I have been reading through Israel’s wanderings through the wilderness and all the times God’s wrath was poured out such that each time thousands were consumed, bitten, swallowed, or otherwise perished. Still again, I have been reading Out of the Silent Planet by C.S. Lewis, which though a fictional work, deals philosophically with death. Even in eating meat here when I saw the creature alive that morning reminds me of the topic.
I did not plan the correlation, but it caused me to think along these lines and realize again in a new way that there is nothing sad about the death of a Christian. The only sadness (and I do not intend to belittle this aspect) is in the loss of companionship by those left behind. And yet, to contrast this, the level of tragedy is so vast for the passing of an unbeliever. To borrow from physics, it seems the “equal and opposite reaction.”
It warms my heart to hear the frequent and fervent preaching of the Gospel here. Perhaps it is the real presence of death here that we seem so surgically removed from in the USA which is the motivation. At any rate, I hope it will inspire me to get over those inhibitions which so easily hinder me from speaking.
I will close with a quote from C.S. Lewis which is at the foundation of my thinking: “You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.” And I know that when this body dies, my soul will get a new one.
*Please keep the families of Jay and Katrina in your prayers, especially their sweet little girls as they return from Africa to live with relatives in Seattle.
2 comments:
Thank you for sharing this. It ministered to me. So precious how God prepares us and how He prepared them. Praying for their girls and for your family as you prepare for your journey.
Thanks so much and thank you for your prayers!
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